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And the massage guy says

The massage guy says I need to think about three positive things every day.

I need to write down being sick, i.e. woke up with spots on my legs today, had spots after Pilates yesterday, woke up yesterday with a rash on my legs due to (I think) bad dreams.

But. I am going to bed thinking about stuff I've said and done that has had bad outcomes for me and hashing over the million different things I could have done that might have made things turn out in a way that would have, say, led to me not feeling sad and lonely and still sick now, but I think that these thoughts are making me sick in my sleep by causing me anxiety dreams that set off my histamines.

So I am going to try to think about three positive things every night before I go to bed, and make that my list and think about how to make the list longer, and hope that this means I don't have bad dreams that make me wake up covered in welts.

I need to stop being so stressed out that I'm breaking out all of the time because my system isn't re-regulating because it's under too much stress and today it caused me to nearly pass out at work (the borderline high blood pressure is a factor here as well I think). If my body is less stressed then I'll produce less histamines and this will reduce my emotional sensitivity and then when some stress does happen it shouldn't result in me on the floor at work (or on the tube).

So, positive: last night I went to Pilates for the first time in 7 weeks and my teacher said I was ALREADY stronger than I was when I went right after the first of the year, when I thought I was going to be sick for months and months (and, well, it has been two months but it might not be another full month if I am careful). This means I can try to do some more exercise, and from my results from yesterday I feel confident I can manage a beginner's mat class. It's a bit lame to have to go back to beginner but I think it's a sensible approach and that doing anything at all will be a great improvement and help me with my mood and stress management.

Second: I'm going to set up to go see bondagewoodelf at the end of May, so I can be a good guest and do some Balfolk (sort of a Ceilidh).

Third: I will be visiting Greece with my roommate soon!

And fourth: I'm going to Brighton this Sunday to see eglantinedream's play.

I'll come up with three more good things tonight before I go to bed.

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