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Sertraline redux day five (I think)

So I started taking the sertraline Wednesday the 4th at breakfast, and today makes five days of it. My recollection is that I started taking the sertraline on a Thursday last time and then on the Monday I started having the spectacular panic attacks that kept me home bound for four days and ultimately led to me quitting my job.

Which means ... today is the day they'd be likely to happen. Or tomorrow. And ... I'm okay. Mostly. I'm very sensitive and fearful of panic, because I think it means more bad shit is on the way, so a little bit of panic (tolerable) makes me really edgy. And for the last five days (well, except yesterday) I've had little panic wibbles about two hours after I took the sertraline ... but nothing worse. (On day two it lasted for about half an hour but I made it through.) But I am hoping that, as this is day 5 and I did not wake up with my heart racing and the horrible feeling that they were, really, coming to get me, or that they would be soon ... that maybe tomorrow will be fine, too. And by "fine" I mean "tolerable," this certainly doesn't feel good, and I'm feeling not very sharp and glad I'm not going into work and making a fool of myself, because I don't have a lot of brain right now. I had thought it was just because of the prednisole, but I have a sneaking suspicion the sertraline is making me feel kind of stupid, too. And I really, really hate that, only I'm just trying to roll with it and accept the dullness as something I have to tolerate to try to get through and see if I can finally snap the f**king urticaria.

As far as the urticaria goes, well, there's no doubt that the stress juice is way, way down. I didn't even need to take a second fenofexadine last night (of the 120s) and today I just took a 180 and figured that would work for the whole day - though with the antihistamines out of my system, I did have a few spots this morning on my legs. So the stress box is not turned off and I've still got some time to go to try to process this and see if I can "reregulate" and finally be cured. Or, well, the end of the month could come around and I could discover it just won't turn off, period, and I'm stuck with it until whenever. Or at least that's what I will assume. Can I just say I'd really, really like to talk to a doctor who really understands this so I have some idea what to expect? Because I don't. I'm making it up based off of stuff I read on the internet. I know I could go private and get it dealt with sooner, but it seems kind of pointless to do so given that everything I've read on the internet says, "There's no cure, but it does sometimes just go away ...."

I've been really enjoying the book I've been reading this week, "Expiration Date" by Tim Powers - I've had it for ages and took it with me on the trip to France. It's set in Los Angeles circa 1992, a very familiar landscape, and because it's laid over a town I know so well, it's a whole different kind of read. I've read all of these steampunk/urban fantasy books sent in London, and, while I love reading them through the lens of my London eyes, I am so much more loving reading a book set in a world that I have so many fond memories of - a city 20 years long gone.

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