I had piles of downtime this weekend.

Now, I used them very productively (in general), as the house is now pretty darn clean and I've finished The Amulet of Samarkand.

That said, I utterly and completely forgot to get together my paperwork for my visa. DOH!

I was feeling quite morose yesterday at the end of the day, like I could easily cry, though nothing really had gone bad at work. Unfortunately I didn't cheer up over my dinner (nice Japanese at Yoisho), and I actually wound up crying several times during the movie, which is quite unusual for me, especially when it's a movie I've already seen before (somehow I didn't manage to get it on my blogged list of movies I saw last year - shame on me). It was actually quite good on a second viewing, though I was disturbed that I was having to restrain myself from sobbing and disturbing the rest of the audience.

I came home to discover still no hot water - the rain has dampened the electrics in the boiler room and we won't get a replacement until today. The house was very clean, though, thanks to Pamela.

And I decided I should take an LJ break for a while, say until Sunday or Monday, partially because I feel like I'm shouting into the void, and partially bcause I'm feeling like people are thinking that by reading what I write they're actually keeping in touch with me - despite not actually keeping in touch with me. I'm thinking (and this has happened before, that I've had this thought) that if I cut of what is mistakenly seen as "my end of the conversation," they (or someone) will realize we're not having any conversation at all. I know that listening to myself talk certainly isn't a conversation. It's lonely.

Anyway, wish me warm water soon, and I think I'm going to try to deal with my extreme disaffection at work by taking Thursday as a WFH day, if only I could find someone who would not WFH with me and maybe go to an art museum or something. I know I'll never go by myself; I'm just too pathetically a social creature, and I feel kind of cut off right now.

Also, my last purchase from America showed up today. Isn't it ... terrifying?

We've got plum wine, too.

LATER: Well, hell, I had to post that three hours after I took it. Why aren't my pictures posting when I hit "send?" The mysteries of MMS ...
Despite being really, really tired, I went to see booklectic's play reading in Streatham with shadowdaddy after our yummy dinner at Ichiban. I had a schooner of cider to keep me company in the garden (I got to visit with ergotia, major bonus) while we waited for things to start - and this, I think, was a critical error. I was intrigued by the play, enjoying the jokes ... and completely exhausted, like I was wanting to DOZE OFF in the front row.

I attempted to convey to shadowdaddy that I was exhausted when we got to intermission, and he told me he was okay with me falling asleep in the back row, then went to the bathroom. I wasn't, so I went home, and was fortunate enough to catch a train a mere 10 minutes after I got to the train station.

For whatever reason I was feeling quite weepy when I got to the station, beating myself up over people taking their shit out on me and over the people who've rejected my overtures of friendship since I've been here. Mostly I've dealt with it with a big, "Not much I can do, really," but thanks to the magic of I Spent Too Long Coughing Instead of Sleeping Last Night, it was all proving very painful. I wrote imaginary letters in my head, I demoted people, I cancelled vacations I couldn't handle the stress of taking, then I finally called wechsler and talked to him, as Mostly Sane seemed better than where my head was.

I started reading the book bathtubgin gave me (she with rosamicula being the star additions to my circle of friends since I've moved here, completely consoling me for any perceived "loss," and work people amounting to nothing as usual) on the way back. Queueing for Beginners was funny and diverting. And I walked in the door and in short order my kitty came out to keep me company. So life isn't all misery, I'm really just tired and very ready for this cold to end.

I want to write about my long training session on collaboration yesterday but I want to be in bed soon (it's clear that this is good, right?), so I think I'll just read for a while instead and see if Boo will join me on the couch.