Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維 (webcowgirl) wrote,
Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維

I'm not really cheered up yet

I would have stayed home tonight because it was crappy outside (short rainy days, yuck, November is truly the cruellest month) and ergotia wasn't well enough to go out with me as we'd planned (*sob*), and I just felt very down on myself and life all day, and I just wanted to say, "I give up, what's the point of bothering. I should spend the night on the sofa staring at the ceiling." This became a much more likely option when I found out the penalty fee for returning the tickets would only be $5 a ticket. Why bother making an effort when sweet oblivion awaited me?

But darn it, lilithmagna actually really wanted to go, and after talking to her I felt that indulging in my down mood would really be letting her down, so I dragged my sorry ass out and watched La Traviata tonight. I'm sure it was better than staying home, but I am really hard-hearted toward 19th century opera, and I hate a lot of the plot elements (wimpy heroine, people giving up doing what they really want to because of social constraints) this opera was built on. Monteverdi is much more my speed. But really, spending the night sitting between lilithmagna and shadowdaddy was a win, and neither of them thumped me when we were waiting eternally for the curtain to rise (and the music to start) for the final scene and I said in a stage whisper, "Isn't she dead yet?"

Going out is good therapy for me in general. It keeps me from focusing too much on whatever's troubling me, most of which can't really be solved by just thinking about it really hard. My relationship with my dad can't be fixed by staying home and moping, I can't cheer Jason up by staying home when he's moping, I can't make friends locked up in my house, and when I'm really moping hard I don't even have the energy to do any of the stuff I should do when I'm home (it's especially sad when I wish I could skip bathing because it's interrupting my black mood, but I do force myself as a courtesy to my officemates, and I wish I were lying when I said that's what got me in the shower many times over the last two years). I'm sure I feel a little better than I did earlier, but I would really, really like to be a little more relaxed so I could actually get to sleep!
Tags: shows

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