What I've not got, however, is the tools to do it correctly. First, NO cake pans. That's right, none. As a blue-ribbon winning pastry cook (admittedly against other Girl Scouts and teenaged participants in the Johnson County Fair), I cleaned up in many categories. But when I moved here I decided I'd get rid of the mangy kit I had and get new ones.
However, trying to do this 30 minutes before every shop on the high street closes is a bad plan. Woolworths had no circular pans, Robert Dyas only had two in the size I needed, and the Shop N Save was cash only (and I had none). Crap! I needed three! Okay, whatever, a two layer cake, I can do it.
Once home, as I bravely soldiered through creaming a cup of butter/shortening and the sugar together with a fork, I realized I was missing another crucial element: my mixer. Goddamnit. Of course I don't have it, it was electric and I gave it away with the rest of my soon to be non-functional appliances. Shit, shit, shit. I added the eggs in, then the milk, then realized ... the butter had totally fragmented in the bowl and wasn't sticking to anything any more. Man. To be honest, it already looked like a baking disaster in the works, and that was before I poured it into the two cake pans and a (wait for it) frying pan that was about the right size.
Shortly after they made it into the oven, I realized I'd forgotten the most critical element of my cooking repertoire; my brain. What went wrong? I'm not used to using this oven, and I set it on broil. I figured it out when I smelled the cakes burning about 5 minutes after I put them in. Well, hey, at least the one in the freaking sauce pan, which I put in the weird extra oven this thing has, was looking alright.
Anyway. Hopes are low, and it'll likely be making its way into the garbage some time around midnight tonight, and there's no time to bake another. Oh well, at least I didn't go try to buy one at the Maison Blanc up the street; 5 people were hit by its marquee and put in the hospital this afternoon. Me, I was only frustrated and proven USELESS and a bad cook.