Summary: La Bayadere, which in English means "The Rubber Snake," is set in a fantasy version of India or Burma or some such, and featured SEXXY MEN COVERED IN GOLD PAINT AND A LOIN CLOTH. Well, there was only one man primarily dressed in gold paint, but there were lots of loin cloths and not much else on the other dancers. And then there were the female temple dancers. Hot damn. I go to ballet because dancers are sexy. I mean, that's not all it, but ... WOW. Er, plot: boy meets priestess, boy breaks religious taboo, boy attempts to recreate Orpheus. (I thought La Bayadere was called "Dances in Jammie Pants" in English, but J corrected me. The end scene is super cool, set in the Land of the Shades, one of those classics of 19th century ballet, with all of the girls in white skirts. Very cool.
CarMan: Boy meets girl, boy meets boy2, there is sexin', then someone winds up in jail, and someone winds up dead. There were honest to God naked man willy on stage for this one, and apparently from the balcony seats there are PILES of naked boys during the shower scene. And there was a group sex scene, with, um, rude things happening. And there was a fair amount of boy on boy action. Count on Matthew Bourne to take the stick out of ballet's collective butt and find something else to put there instead. I suspect this was a good show but I was feeling too crap to really enjoy it.
Le Corsaire (or "The Pirate Ballet"): Boy meets girl, dad sells girl to the highest bidder, boy improves girl's life by being shipwrecked with her on a desert island. There are swordfights (including one on a boat), there are dancing flowers (not sure why a pasha would have a fetish for ballet and ballerinas, but this one did). Highly recommended for its Busby Berkely-like qualities, and awesome shipwreck, and horribly messy interpretation of what "eastern" cultures are like.
With that, I leave you with some songs of my childhood, in the form of this delightful video by Heaven 17.