Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維 (webcowgirl) wrote,
Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維

Thanksgiving thoughts

This is a bit late for folks, as I should have posted it yesterday, but instead called my brother and SIL in New York to wish them a happy one, then went right to bed ...

I am thankful that I've made it past the horrible rough upset that was this time last year. I was at work, sitting at my desk, just about crying on Thanksgiving Day last year, even though I was having people over on Saturday for dinner to "celebrate." The dinner itself was fine but doing just NOTHING on Thanksgiving Day was like ignoring my birthday. Yesterday was much better even if pizza isn't really Thanksgiving-y. Maybe next year I'll actually have people over Thanksgiving Thursday night for The Real Deal. :-)

I spent a long time talking with my uncle yesterday (while I was making cranberry sauce) about how exactly it was that I wound up in England. The story goes like this: four years ago, three girls that I was very good friends with all dropped me at the same time, but denied that this was in fact what was actually happening. I went from going out about four nights a week to none, and I had to read in their blogs constantly about how they were hanging out with each other. God, it hurt. First I felt lonely, then I felt worthless, like I was basically a defective human being, because there was no other way that people that had known me for as long as they had could just throw me out like last week's chopped liver. In the middle of this year, shadowdaddy got really depressed>, and I also began to feel isolated, as I had no one to help support me during this very difficult time. (So all of you guys who wonder why I rank on Seattle so much, it probably mostly comes down to this part of my life there.)

Cue to now, four years later. I found friends here that made me believe I wasn't defective, that I was still very likeable and a good person. I feel very much at home here and like I fit in and am accepted for myself. I am continuing to make new friends and my old friends still haven't "got tired of my crap" (like one of the three girls said they would eventually be when she was trying to tell me to get over the London thing). And, I'm pleased to say, shadowdaddy seems to have finally pulled out of his very long depression.

I can hardly say how much I have to be thankful for, but I am, and I do. I don't feel lonely, I don't feel like I don't rate or am "broken." My life is pretty good, and while I don't know where I am going, I am very much enjoying the ride. So thanks to all of you, my LJ friends, because in most ways it's been you that have helped make my life good.

That said, I'm home again today, and it's GORGEOUS outside, and I have to go to Lakeland and buy a turkey thermometer. Talk to you later.
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