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My dad is begging for attention

I got some weird assed email from my dad two weeks ago asking me if, among other things, I'd given up on him. It also asked me if I would assign my life insurance policy to my husband. I told him no and didn't bother answering the other question.

Today he sent an email that seems to refer indirectly to either the death or incapacity of one of my relatives and a fire at his house. He didn't say, "I thought I should tell you that XXX happened," he tells me some story about how he put some blowers in to blow the smell of smoke out of his house. And the letter opens asking me for mine and J's ss #s, despite the fact I told him no.

Really, to me it just seems like he's trying to drop big hints and get me to pay attention to him, but part of the problem (aside from the fact that he's so often horrible to me, and the rest of the time he just forgets I exist) is that he won't bother keeping in touch or telling me what is going on. I don't want the abuse and I don't want to play games. I just want to live my life like a normal person. He doesn't seem to be interested in ever having any kind of positive relationship with me, so I've decided that the best thing to do is pretty much just forget he exists. This keeps me from feeling disappointed or hurt or otherwise bothered by his treatment of me; instead, I can just get on with living my life and basically act like I have no living parents. One day I won't but it will basically be just the same as it is now, because he will never change and there's no point in me holding out hope any more. He's got his own thing going on, he has pretty much since before I was born (I think that's part of the reason my mom left him), and I'm mostly not a factor at all. Long ago I tried to get closer to him, probably for a good 10-15 years (after he got divorced - he'd said that his wife was why he spent so little time with me), but then I finally realized that not only was it not going to happen, but that the time I did spend with him was likely to be roundly unpleasant. To be clear, this is "having someone yell at you at the top of his lungs in public" unpleasant. I'm really not up for that.

Yes, I did give up on him, years and years ago. What's the point, really? He decided I was hard hearted years ago, so I'm sure it's not a surprise.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 2nd, 2009 11:15 pm (UTC)
T, if he's asking for your social security numbers, he may be looking to make you a beneficiary.

And if you've given up on him, why lead him on and tell him you haven't?
Oct. 3rd, 2009 10:46 am (UTC)
No, he's looking to make J a beneficiary if I die.

And I didn't tell him I haven't given up on him, I didn't answer his question. I told him no about assigning my life insurance to my husband. I'd prefer it to just be cashed out.

I'm hardly leading him on. I don't seek out any contact with him and this is how things have been for about ten years. I told him I'd never go back to Kansas after grandma died and I haven't. He knows what the score is. I don't visit him and I don't call anymore, in great deal because he doesn't call me and I don't see what the point is of trying to maintain contact with someone who isn't really interested in it. (Not one phone call since I've been here.)

If things are going to change, it's up to him, and I know that means that nothing will ever change, and that he's basically happy with his life the way it is. And I'm happy with mine. I had to accept that things are the way they are and he is the way he is and it's not going to be any different, but at least I've found a way to not be upset about it anymore. It's weird though to think that he's even still alive because he's been dead to me for some time. It seems like a waste but then our entire relationship has really been one. Best to focus on those who WANT to be your family.

Edited at 2009-10-03 10:49 am (UTC)
Oct. 4th, 2009 10:12 am (UTC)
*hugs* Sorry it's hard xx
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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