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Flamenco again; aggression

J and I went to Sadler's Wells last night to see Eva Yerbabuena - it was a much more satisfying experience than last Sunday. Next week we're going twice, though I secretly want to go see one of the acts happening between now and next Thursday. Ah well. Time, never enough.

I've been thinking a bit about aggressiveness. I get called aggressive, almost always by men, and usually when they're unhappy with my behavior (bosses, my dad, Wechsler). I have come to believe that this calling a woman aggressive is actually a control tactic. I say this because you ONLY hear a man called aggressive because of physical behavior - though, to be honest, I think you'd just NOT say it to his face, you'd say it behind is back - but you don't call a man aggressive simply for stating his opinion. I believe aggressive, applied to a woman, is a way of saying "opinionated," as said by someone who doesn't enjoy having a woman express their opinion more strongly, or more convincingly, than the person who calls them aggressive. Because, really, they would NEVER say this to a man. It's a control tactic used to shut women up. And along those lines, have a look at this article on stereotyping women in business. Read the report at the bottom, it's where the meat is.

Uh, what else. J and I went to the BFI to see Late Autumn, which is one of the last movies we'll be seeing in the Ozu festival - it was nice but kind of light (a relief) with a very funny scene in which the men were talking about a colleague who had died 7 years ago ...
Man 1: His wife is so beautiful still!
Man 2: He used up all of his luck marrying her.
Man 3: You have to die early when you marry a woman that beautiful.
Old waitress: You need more sake?
Men: No thanks!
Man 1: Her husband will have a long life.
Man 2: Thank God for unexpected blessings, eh?

I was laughing out loud at how amazingly rude and mean they were. Later they were all saying they wished THEY were widowers - a horrible sentiment given that they were all married!

Anyway, we're having theatre geeks over for tacos tonight. It should be lots of fun, but I've got to clean STAT!

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
eglantinedreams
Feb. 20th, 2010 06:39 pm (UTC)
I read a very thought provoking article a while back pointing out the fact girls are told to be "nice" and not aggressive, loud, etc. Otherwise they will be labelled as crazy, bitchy (all the other things that seems to apply mainly to females making a stand)

This means they can't deal with situations where that sort of behaviour is needed to protect themselves. Generally to protect themselves against men who get to use this crap because its "allowed" and expected almost in society. Then it is our fault for not standing up to people of course.

it is really hard in my experience to find that line between acceptable hardness and actual aggression because it doesn't really exist and I sure as hell was never taught it. I'm going back to BITCH, nasty manmade label that it is and trying very hard not to care!
reddragdiva
Feb. 20th, 2010 09:06 pm (UTC)
Well, yeah.
pablo_flamenco
Mar. 18th, 2010 01:00 pm (UTC)
Flamenco Lovers
Luckily there are some of us that are not threatened by strength and confidence in a woman and love a bit of fire! :)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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