November 27th, 2003

Sea dragon

I feel like a bad mommy

I just sent my husband to the emergency vet clinic to have Hestia euthanized. I feel like such a shit - not about the decision, but about sending J. off for such a horrible errand. What a rotten day for this to happen. Her eyes are dilated, she can barely walk - she can barely hold her head up. She looked miserable. The vet said that these were the signs of liver failure, which happens when a cat stops eating - which leads to some kind of poisoning of the blood that the vet said was very painful for the cat. I'm very sad about her though. If I avoid talking about it I should be okay for dealing with people - maybe they won't ask.

Were dilated. Couldn't walk. Couldn't hold her head up. I made a little cloth for her to lie on and sent him to the vet with her in a carrier and a box for her to come home in, wrapped in the cloth. I figured out what I would have to do last night, that I would bury her under the mock orange bush in front of the kitchen window. Now all I have to figure out how to do is how to deal with me.
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