March 8th, 2011

Tiger monkey

Schema therapy the seventh

The last twenty-four hours have been very difficult for personal and work reasons, and for that reason I think counseling tonight focused on my immediate issues rather than anything deeper ("but the surface reflects the turmoil beneath," the counselor said). I thanked him for his advice in dealing with my work issues (which were hopefully wrapped up Monday in the mediation session I went to, which, shall we say, completely blew my ability to do anything else for the rest of the day other than sleep on the train). He's said my boss is protective toward women, and that showing him some emotional response would probably aid my cause; I feel it's bad form to do anything more than stick to the facts when dealing with work people, but, well, needs must and they did.

Otherwise, well, I think we talked a bit about my abandonment issues (although he found it very interesting that I'd rather be by myself than live with someone who hates me), and rather a lot about my life right now, and that's not something I particularly feel like sharing with the world as it's not so much about dealing with my big issues and learning about schema therapy as it is about the wonderful world of wishes and horses.

I was filling out a form in which I had to say "agree/disagree" (on a scale) to statements like, "I don't deserve things I enjoy" and "I try to do things to distract myself from my problems." I'll be doing distracting the next few days. Thank God I've been very seriously engaged in project Get Happy as I don't think I'd have been able to bounce back from all this stress as soon as I'm sure I will, but my feeling is that a little push today, some good company tonight, and everything will be right as rain. That big picture stuff ("Do you avoid thinking about your life?") can just sit on the burner, I've got to Get Happy Now and I know I can do it.

Also, Pilates yesterday kicked my ass, with the immediate result that I'm ready to do it again ASAP. :-D