So yesterday I overstretched myself a bit. I had invited some friends to come over in the afternoon to see my garden, and some other friends to come over in the evening for dinner. Dinner group was organized as a "welcome back" party for an American friend I hadn't seen in six months; he's Aspbergery (well, diagnosed) and does best in small quiet groups. Flower group was a loud fun (and also American) friend of mine and his husband. the two groups were, in my mind, incompatible; while Loud American and I can maintain at the same level for hours, he would have killed dinner by basically giving Guest of Honor no space for himself. I did ask if Loud was going to stay for dinner a few times (or even wanted food) as I was going to need more food if so, but he said no.
So: catastrophe. Loud and boy arrive 2 hours late, the same time as Welcome and shortly before Richard (who is also a quiet person). Loud and partner have been in a fight (he insists on telling everyone, to my horror); he has dealt with it by going out and getting drunk, which he still most clearly is. He is being fairly gross and making "sausage" jokes about every 5 minutes. His husband is trying to smooth things over and move the party along, but Loud wants to drink more. I take Loud aside to show him the garden and ask him if he could stop talking about fighting with his husband in front of all of us as it's making the atmosphere tense, and his response is that he doesn't tell ME what to talk about. Grr!
It's now (already) time for me to start cooking. Richard finally takes me aside. It's getting too much for him. Can I do something about it? And so, since they are going to have to be leaving soon anyway, I ask husband if he can take Loud home. But then guest #5 shows up, whom Loud wants to see. They stay, I start cooking, they finally leave. Loud and I wish each other good evenings.
An hour later (in a much calmed, dining household) I get a text from Loud. He's outraged that I asked his husband to take him home. He says although he was drunk he wasn't being loud or aggressive and how dare I ask him to leave because he was offending Richard. And then he basically says, "Enjoy your life."
I'm really pretty surprised about this. I admit I haven't had to ask a drunk guest to leave in quite a while but I didn't know what to do - I was handling his behavior okay personally but could tell he was killing the ability of my dinner guests to enjoy themselves. And I really didn't want Richard to leave because he couldn't put up with Loud anymore.
What should I have done?
April 15th, 2012
Friday: see proof I'm likely to do well in my new job. Hang with lovely friend who invites me to see the Northern Lights with her next winter. Watch play. Clean house: host six people at mine with bonus lovely boy. Pancakes for three; treated to Sunday roast; beautiful art; Gavin Bryars "Sinking of the Titanic" live. So even though I never wrote my review of the show and there's still a lot of dishes to do , I think this was a great weekend.