August 21st, 2012

Angry White Poodle

It is hard

I have to remember that part of the reason I am not already divorced is because, last year, when I was finally free to do it (as I'd stuck it through the ILR), I held OFF doing it because (deep breath)

Getting divorced is hard, on a life trauma level it is supposed to be equal in stress to a death in the family.

So I wanted to space out my "hard" things and I decided to GET A NEW JOB FIRST because it was my belief that this would make me HAPPY once I'd done it (changing or losing jobs is also supposed to be at the "death" level of stress) and I wanted the first thing I did after my ILR to be something that made me happy.

Now if you remember last year, I was actually made miserable miserable by the whole job hunt thing, which I'm remembering now and thinking yes of course you really couldn't have handled doing both things at the same time. And getting it at last made me really happy. It hasn't entirely stuck around but there's been a major improvement in my mental outlook.

But what I forgot is getting divorced is hard and stressful and I need to remember that this is GOING to be a difficult time for me and I just need to persevere and FINALLY it will be over, but there are hard times ahead (as well as hard times behind).

The pity is I don't really know too many people who've been divorced - not while I've known them, anyway - and I don't have a lot of role models to look to in terms of "Yeah, this is normal" or "You're having a really hard time, let's go get ice cream." So mentally it's a really lonely place to be and just terribly unromantic (in so many ways). So I don't have much of a support network for this (God knows my mom would have been perfect but she died twelve years back so too bad on that front) and it's hard to deal with and I have to be telling ME "this is hard."

Getting divorced is hard. And when I'm divorced the grieving process will continue. Eventually, I will be better.