I'm just a cock-eyed pessimist

In Inverness visiting J and C again, and looking at the bottle of Banda Azul Crianza 2007 and thinking ,damn, I need some of that!

I feel like I've wasted the last seven years on two people who ae both just too selfish for me to have ever had a mutually supportive relationship with either of them and it bums me the fuck out. Why in the hell didn't I cut and run earlier? I might have something decent going by now instead of another night where I want to cry in my cornflakes because I can't get a hug from someone who promises it will all be alright and _they_ love me. I know we all die alone but this is just much too much living alone for me to bear.