August 26th, 2012

Reading

Goddammit


Three times in one hour I have had fleeting suicidal thoughts and I am so disappointed to see myself slipping so quickly again after one setback. "I should stockpile drugs so they're ready to go" is not what I want to have flashing through my mind before lunch. I know social ostracism is the one thing that has been guaranteed to send me off into a tailspin of self-loathing but it's upsetting to see it happening like clockwork, when winter is not even here yet.

 

No, I'm not interested in counseling. I've spent piles of money and time and I do think it's genuinely useless for almost everything: at the best it is just telling you what you already know.