January 28th, 2013

Bubble T

What body is this?

It's day two of me having not just zero stress but so much positive stuff to think about that I feel utterly turned around. I have to admit a lot of this, 90%, is because of my sister saying she wants to come out here and nurse me back to help. I'm just thrilled to pieces. First I was feeling really very, "Oh, God, I didn't really mean it, I don't have the money to pay for a plane ticket for her and I only have a day and a half leave to take, I've just got to start getting better on my own," and then ... I just started feeling my heart getting lighter and lighter, like a huge weight was taken off of me, like I knew I was going to be able to relax and not worry about stuff and things were going to be alright. And then I thought, my God, if this elation is how I feel just thinking about it, I should just take the slam to my savings and go for it. And looking at my schedule, I had almost nothing set up for the entire two weeks, or indeed for the months of February, because of me being so consistently, stupidly sick. And she's training to be a nurse so I feel extra confident that she'll be able to manage me being ill and be patient and not complaining about how boring I am because I can't do stuff. And I can keep going to work and she can do some studying and it will be alright.

And now I am all ready to buy her a ticket and I'm just waiting to hear from her, and I'm wondering what I can do to get a little more time to spend with her if she does come out here. But mostly I'm thinking, oh my God, this could really be the ticket to Wellville, a town I really want to visit. And I'm feeling this sense that yes, I've been trying to do the right things for my life and for my health, and things are going to get sorted, and I'm gonna make it to the other side of this damned thing, and I'm going to look back on the last month of near solid stress and misery and go, you knew where you were heading, it just turned out to be a very long trip.