March 20th, 2013

Sea dragon

Three things for yesterday

I actually had so much fun yesterday I was too busy to blog when I got home. So ..

1. Really fun day.
2. Great company after the show I saw - loving hanging out with other smart women (a writer! a games designer!) and then getting excited that these people are actually my friends. We all had a laugh about how people will be subjects or inspirations for things you make and not get it, or see themselves in something and be wrong.
3. Got lots of supportive messages from said women about the really difficult emotional times I've been having the last three months - the compound of emotional stress plus sickness was validated as being completely pants. On the other hand, one of my friends has a broken arm, so I figure it could be worse. I've arranged to come over to her house in two weekends and help her with some household chores since she can't really manage a lot of stuff and lives by herself.
4. Got such strong compliments from a female coworker on the new dress I bought from Pepperberry that I went and bought another. Can't wait to wear them to April's Rock Club (well, one of them), I will be looking great! (And I've rearranged games at mine that night so I can make it to both. Now need to convince Jason he can go there and won't be spit upon. I think his friends want to see him and he ought to come out of the cave of self-loathing.)
5. The first first flush Darjeeling of 2013 showed up at work today! Mariages Freres North Tukvar SFTFOP1 go! (I had some this morning and it was nice but since I was out WAY too late I'm not sure

And at the end of the night I had a long chat with the very hardworking Jason, and that was nice, too. Can't wait to see his new show!

I have to remember this to keep me from feeling sad

On the day I realized my urticaria had gone chronic I did an FB post in utter despair, as it looked like my life as I knew it was going down the toilet, including possibly losing my job, my career, and everything I'd enjoyed about the world. I was isolated, miserable, and looking at a life that seemed like it was likely to be quite bleak, and I desperately wanted some comforting that, if nothing else, I was not going to face this alone, and maybe some reassurance that these bad things could be survived, somehow, or just anything to help me see anything but wretchedness in the months and years ahead.

Here it is if you're interested in reading it: Collapse )

I was then told that I was an attention whore for saying this, and cut off.

I can NOT tell myself I lost a friend when this happened, because NO friend would ever act like that. That was a selfish opportunist, a good time Charlie, a ... fair weather friend. If you drop people when they're not fun anymore, you are setting yourself up for some bad karma. And when you lose people when they do this, well, it makes it really easy for you to make decisions about who YOU will be there for, in their depression, in their illness, and in their joy and exuberance.

Thanks to the rest of you who've stuck around with me as I've slowly tried to crawl out of that hole. I'm still struggling with my health and I'm still having a difficult time managing the emotional flack of the last three months (I'm a prisoner of my immune system, and I'm experiencing everything in heightened emotional colors since I've been sick), but I feel like I'm clearer than ever as to who the right people are to have in my life. Spending last night with two great women made me feel, more than ever, that I'm on the right path, and that I need to stop suffering the experience of loss and focus more on the great people I do have in my life, because I have built a great circle of awesome friends in the last couple of years, and they're still here as I try to push through into my new life of managing a chronic illness.

Or, hey, maybe I'll level out in another month and it will finally go away. Fingers crossed! Updates after my visit to the doctor tomorrow.

Note: still losing weight. Hope I can level out and start putting muscle on soon.

The flamenco season is on!

It's Flamenco season at Sadler's Wells and I have upped my viewing even more than last year, going for each of the dance performances and only holding back at the side stage performances. (No guitar nights for me this year; I had a lovely time with wechsler at the show we saw for 2012 but without his motivation, it's just movement and color for me.)

I've seen three shows so far: Eva Yerbabuena (with Jason on Friday); Farruquito (with Chaundra on Sunday); and Rocio Molina (with Sophie last night). I'm working hard to try to keep up my reviews, and have just managed to get the third up; fortunately, these shows have been not more than 90 minutes with no interval so I'm getting home in good time to hit the keyboard. Of course, if we were in Spain, the performers would be doing a second and maybe a third show after 9 PM; but no such luck here.

I've got three more shows before the festival is over, packed in quickly Saturday/Sunday/Monday, which seems like hard work but, you know, flamenco never leaves you sleepy like ballet does sometimes. The highlight will be Sunday's show with Israel Galvan, whom Clement Crisp described as "the Paganini of flamenco." I can't wait!