I'm just a cock-eyed pessimist

I have not managed to recover since the incident about trying to get my house keys back in February. It set off too much anxiety and my system has been overloaded and constantly fearing more attacks. I am unable to reset my "level" for my adrenaline/histamines and the stream of crap in my system is fucking me up.

My doctor has now given me some very specific anti-anxiety medication. I could use some advice if any of you have been on setraline and can tell me about its side effects.

I also need to go back to the skin specialist and see if she will give me some approach to a maintenance management program for my illness especially since the histamines seem to be losing their effectiveness. I'll give her a call later on today.

My blood pressure came in at 97/147, really bad after being so good for so long, but no surprise given that I was just telling the doctor about the bad things that have been happening that have made me feel so anxious and attacked. She said it still wasn't high enough to explain the dizzy spells, and if I continue to have them I need to go back soon.

I'm not really feeling very cheery today.

I have sent a letter (with a stamp and everything) requesting that, in the future, I and my husband be treated with civility, as befits middle-aged adults.

I have also taken Pill The First of the new prescription. Results: stomach upset, dry mouth, feeling of not really being on top of things. It's a 28 day prescription; results (rather than effects) should be felt in two weeks, and I am going to the doctor at the end of the period to review how it is going. GAH I don't like taking stuff that interferes with my mental operating system but obviously I've got to find a way to break the cycle of stressing out about every damned thing until it makes me sick.

I'm also thinking about taking some unpaid leave and extending my visit in Seattle, although I'm not sure what I'd do with two or three extra days. But I really, really need some quiet and relaxation. I need to feel safe and looked after and centered. I just wish I knew where I could get it.