April 20th, 2013

Sea dragon

Dream a little dream

Dreamed last night I was performing (doing bullwhip tricks) in a Soho revue where ciphergoth and babysimon's girlfriend (we've never met & I don't know her name, J was showing me a picture of her from God Is) were in the audience, and they came up and talked to me afterward.

Then in dreamland I went to Rock Club (which in real land is on the edges of Soho), where parsingphase was singing. Our bags got mixed up at coat check and his phone wound up in my possession, and I had to go by his house to give it to him. He and Eva were about to go jogging, but he gave me a hug (no smile) as he took the phone, and added, "I feel really bad for how sick you've been. You must really be struggling."

What all of this says about my mental state I can't say. I have ideas though.

Was feeling last night that it's no wonder I like the dragon collecting game I've been playing. I fall in love with imaginary people embodied by real ones, and then am sad when they don't actually love me (or feel as connected to me) as they were in the version of them in my head. I think I actually know where I stand, but it's easier for me to pretend, but I still am hurt when my dreams are shot down.

I'm down to 180 this morning after thinking my weight had stabilized - almost two more pounds. And to think I ate 5 nice chocolates yesterday just to spite at the doctor for lecturing me about not drinking sugary drinks (which I don't do).