May 2nd, 2013

Sea dragon

What the fuck is going on with my life really?

I felt like on my arrival to Seattle that I might be having a bit of a breakdown. It's no surprise, really: I've been under unbearable pressure for the last four months and I just can't get it to let off.

Right now I don't know what is going to happen with my life even in the short term. In August, I could be living in Tooting Bec, Crystal Palace, Brighton, or a bedsit. Or I could be in San Diego. I just have no idea. And I don't have any way of getting clearer on it in the next few days, and it's weighing on me. I have made some decisions about some stress reducing change I'm going to put into place as soon as I come back, but, really, I just can't cut the stress down fast enough.

Tonight: ran into the guy that was best man at our wedding. Went up to him and said hello, and "I wasn't expecting to see you here" (I was at the theater). He said,"Well I do live in Seattle," then proceeded to ignore me and continue talking to the industry person he was having a visit with. What a fucking drag, and what a horrible way for him to treat me. I am now as red and puffy as if I had just been in a fight with someone, and just awfully, awfully down.