June 3rd, 2013

Sea dragon

Operation get healthy

There can be no doubt that in the month since I gave notice on my job my health has been improving. I have had numerous people comment on how much better I look so I think it must be true, whatever the cause is: I bet the running is helping, too. I'm still waking up with spots every day so I clearly have not shaken the urticaria yet ,but I think it's realistic that I might be able to do so by the end of this month (provided I don't start worrying about money too much).

Sea dragon

I'm still stumped

Five months later, I am still mystified how asking Jason if he wanted to get back together with me was such a monstrous thing to do. I was pretty sure he'd been pining for me the whole time we'd been apart (he didn't seem to have made any steps that would indicate long term commitment), and I'd finally got my life to a point where I thought we'd actually have a chance to succeed. And I was right, he absolutely did want me back, and he was willing to make some changes (as both of us needed to) in order to make it work for the long term.

And here we are, continuing to rebuild, and it seems that there's still people who think this was a bad thing, as if I shouldn't have even asked (when he was missing me all that time!) and/or he shouldn't have chosen to actually go for it (it was an act of free will on both sides!).

I asked. He chose. We decided what we wanted for us, for the rest of our lives.

Why is this a crime? Are groups supposed to decide who you love and when breaking up with or getting together with someone is okay? Do you consult them before you make up your mind about what you want for your life?

How could that ever be appropriate? How could anyone ever think they had the right to determine what was right for Jason or me? Shouldn't each of us be able to decide for ourselves?

I guess this is going to be one of those mysteries that hangs around for ages. I'm, of course, thinking about it because it's almost my birthday and I'm missing the people I was friends with last year (and the five years before that) who aren't a part of my life anymore. It's all really sad. But I guess it's the price Jason and I have both paid for not bowing to peer pressure. We don't let groups tell us where to live, where to work, how to spend our money or what soda to drink; it's no surprise we both make up our minds about who we want to love. It's easy when we both already knew who we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with; we just didn't think we'd ever have the opportunity to. And the harsh facts are that neither Jason nor I had found anyone that met the "who I want by my side in the nursing home" standard. Those people are really one in a million. Mine just happens to be a champion Euchre player.

Back to the doctor for another checkup tomorrow. Maybe I'll get lucky and finally kick this illness, and J can spend less time being Dr M and more time being my worthy opponent again.