July 7th, 2013

Sea dragon

Sertraline redux day five (I think)

So I started taking the sertraline Wednesday the 4th at breakfast, and today makes five days of it. My recollection is that I started taking the sertraline on a Thursday last time and then on the Monday I started having the spectacular panic attacks that kept me home bound for four days and ultimately led to me quitting my job.

Which means ... today is the day they'd be likely to happen. Or tomorrow. And ... I'm okay. Mostly. I'm very sensitive and fearful of panic, because I think it means more bad shit is on the way, so a little bit of panic (tolerable) makes me really edgy. And for the last five days (well, except yesterday) I've had little panic wibbles about two hours after I took the sertraline ... but nothing worse. (On day two it lasted for about half an hour but I made it through.) But I am hoping that, as this is day 5 and I did not wake up with my heart racing and the horrible feeling that they were, really, coming to get me, or that they would be soon ... that maybe tomorrow will be fine, too. And by "fine" I mean "tolerable," this certainly doesn't feel good, and I'm feeling not very sharp and glad I'm not going into work and making a fool of myself, because I don't have a lot of brain right now. I had thought it was just because of the prednisole, but I have a sneaking suspicion the sertraline is making me feel kind of stupid, too. And I really, really hate that, only I'm just trying to roll with it and accept the dullness as something I have to tolerate to try to get through and see if I can finally snap the f**king urticaria.

As far as the urticaria goes, well, there's no doubt that the stress juice is way, way down. I didn't even need to take a second fenofexadine last night (of the 120s) and today I just took a 180 and figured that would work for the whole day - though with the antihistamines out of my system, I did have a few spots this morning on my legs. So the stress box is not turned off and I've still got some time to go to try to process this and see if I can "reregulate" and finally be cured. Or, well, the end of the month could come around and I could discover it just won't turn off, period, and I'm stuck with it until whenever. Or at least that's what I will assume. Can I just say I'd really, really like to talk to a doctor who really understands this so I have some idea what to expect? Because I don't. I'm making it up based off of stuff I read on the internet. I know I could go private and get it dealt with sooner, but it seems kind of pointless to do so given that everything I've read on the internet says, "There's no cure, but it does sometimes just go away ...."

I've been really enjoying the book I've been reading this week, "Expiration Date" by Tim Powers - I've had it for ages and took it with me on the trip to France. It's set in Los Angeles circa 1992, a very familiar landscape, and because it's laid over a town I know so well, it's a whole different kind of read. I've read all of these steampunk/urban fantasy books sent in London, and, while I love reading them through the lens of my London eyes, I am so much more loving reading a book set in a world that I have so many fond memories of - a city 20 years long gone.
Sea dragon

Good weekend

So this was a pretty good weekend (despite what ever is going on inside the meat sack). I was feeling like I'd been pushing myself a bit much and cancelled going-out plans on Friday in favor of having a barbeque at the house with Jason and Katie; this was good fun and the two bottles of wine we cracked from the France trip went over well, and probably led to a much more animated game of Fluxx than we would have had otherwise.
Adopt one today!
On Saturday we had a group outing to Wells in Somerset, to see the big cathedral I'd seen featured in this great program called "The Golden Ages of British Sculpture" last summer - I'd initially planned to go with London Walks, but they decided not to do it this year, and when I found out how much train tickets were we decided to rent a car and split it three ways. It took FOREVER to get there (nearly four hours) but the church absolutely delivered - not just architecturally gorgeous, but with organ and choral music while we were inside and the most gorgeous gardens outside at the Bishop's Palace. (Pictures will be on Facebook.) And the weather was AMAZING and I got to touch a baby duck. It was a great, great day.
Adopt one today!
Today I took advantage of Living in London and went to the National Gallery where they had the Academy of Ancient Music in to help illustrate a lecture on the music of the era of a painting exhibit they had up (Vermeer, so 1600s). Basically, this is the kind of over the top shit you can do every freaking day here (hear world class music, see world class art, get lecture from world class art historian, ten quid - and we were thanked for coming instead of watching the tennis).
Adopt one today!
But what did I really want to be doing? Sitting outside enjoying the nice weather, because it was AMAZING today, warm and lovely, tank top and linen weather. So after the lecture wrapped up, I dashed off to Crystal Palace and met J, James, and Simon T for a picnic in, well, the shade not the sunshine. It was nice to see folks that weren't my roommate, though I did get a bit blue as people were discussed that reminded me of the extreme state of isolation I've been living in for the last six months. Who's dating whom, who's moving in with whom, large events I can't imagine making it to ... actually gave me a bit of the blues which has stuck with me for the rest of the evening.
Adopt one today!
I went home and spent the rest of the evening in my back yard, reading, doing some weeding, and hunting for dragons on the website I've got the obsession with (click the eggs above if you want to be helpful, will you?). J's visiting a friend from college tonight - I would have liked to have gone along but I thought they could use some "guy" time, although I'm really hoping I can see E before he goes back. Then I opened a card that came in the mail Friday and it gave me a bit of a smile ... wonder if I can get those Benedict Jacka books to the person I think would enjoy them after all.