August 31st, 2013


Checking in on life

We're in the final week of my housemate's time here in London. Tonight we celebrated with a dinner at Lupita. One of my friends, Amy, was there - she's a knitter (like my housemate) and they've become friends as well. Amy and I had a good catchup, and she told me I seemed much, much calmer and less depressed than I was last summer - more centered. I'd noted I don't seem to be bothered much by spending time by myself (which I've been doing a lot of since I quit my job) - a big deal since just six months ago (and frequently over the previous 2 1/2 years) my thoughts would quickly become morbid if I spent much time alone.

I think this confirms that the life choices I've been making have been good ones. Even if my life isn't perfect, I am, at least, on a path that is working much better than the one I was on. I may miss many people but I do at least feel fairly stable. And it's good for me to get some confirmation from Amy, because she's known me since I was back in Seattle, so she's got some serious perspective.

But I look in the mirror and I really look old these days. Ah well. It's been a rough time. The photos of me five years ago look so, so much prettier and happier, almost beautiful. I never thought I'd gotten that pretty. It was surprising.

Reading some non-fiction books right now to balance out the trashy mysteries and urban fiction I've been blazing through - I'm going between A. N. Wilson's "The Victorians" and Desmond Seward's The Wars of the Roses. All good background information for the culture I'm now living in.