Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維 (webcowgirl) wrote,
Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維
webcowgirl

Loose ends

I just had to explain to my husband why we can't really even be friends anymore.

In part, we're in a situation where I don't trust him anymore. I've told him many times that there are things where his behavior causes me to not believe he cares about my feelings, and then he does the upsetting thing anyway.

When he said he wanted to get back together with me (for about two years), I told him that first he needed to earn my trust back. But even though he knew the kinds of things he needed to do in order for me to feel like he was a person I could trust, when those crisis situations came up, he chose to do something else.

Some day I will never know anything about him or what he does, and then I will never be disappointed in anything he does again, and certainly I won't feel like anything he does is a slap in the face of him saying, "You're not the boss of me, so there!" But now there are so few disappointments left to have that now I am disappointed in myself, that I could ever have chosen as a partner someone who would never, ever have my back because they don't like rocking the boat.

C'mon refinance, please come through so I no longer have to use the word husband in relationship to Jason. I need this to be over.
Tags: my d-i-v-o-r-c-e
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