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That experiment is now ending

Missed about 2-3 hours of sleep last night and in the morning I had the worst panic attack I can remember since I moved here. Actually felt like my heart stopped beating for a bit. Couldn't go to work because I couldn't cope with pretending anything. Called Jason and couldn't get through. Wanted to call Richard (for support), Jess (for advice on coping with these weird medications), and Trish (for help with getting through panic attacks) but obviously couldn't do any of those things. Writhed and freaked out and started worrying about losing my job. Cancelled my tickets for this evening. Not sure about tomorrow; realize that if this doesn't stop I can't go to Greece.

Took some Xanax. Woke up still feeling shaky (by which I mean freaked out). Took more Xanax. Called back work about meeting I was supposed to be in and got cover arranged. Lay in bed telling myself there was really nothing wrong, I was going to be okay, this was likely all caused by the lack of sleep and the Sertraline, deep breaths, think of something nice. I feel asleep.

Jason got through while I was sleeping and agreed to come over. I feel back asleep. I have probably slept for six hours today.

I checked the side effects of the Sertraline a minute ago. Panic attacks is on there, as well as sleeplessness, and twitching. I am stopping it immediately because, while I can live with depression and anxiety, I cannot live with panic attacks so bad I can't go to work. First time in my life I've had to stay home because of a fucked up head and I do not want to repeat it.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 25th, 2013 06:49 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry to hear about your panic attack. It sounds like sleeping and calling for support was the right thing. I hope this won't interfere with the trip to Greece. I know how much you are looking forward to it.

Edited at 2013-03-25 06:55 pm (UTC)
Apr. 1st, 2013 11:45 pm (UTC)
Apols only just seen this
and Trish (for help with getting through panic attacks) but obviously couldn't do any of those things

Yes you can!
Unless your choice is because you've made a decision not to speak to me at all then it is absolutely fine for you to call me and get advice about this

Haven't looked at later posts yet but am hoping that the panic attacks are only a short-term side effect of the medication

Taking some Xanax sounds like it was a good call; there are other things you can do to make panic attacks less likely in general and to help get yourself stable again if they happen. I'm about to go to bed now but I'll stick some info in a direct LJ message if you like
Apr. 2nd, 2013 06:46 pm (UTC)
Re: Apols only just seen this
Hi, thanks for the reply. Didn't know you read this anymore.

Since I hadn't spoken to you in two years, I would not think it okay to call you in the middle of having a panic attack, and not at work, but it is very kind of you to say it would have been okay. I, however, would think it very bad to ask someone for a favor after having had pretty much zero communication for two years and certainly not under the current circumstances. I really pretty much feel like there isn't anybody in the UK besides Jason that I feel like I can call under this sort of really awful situation, and as my life has been going for the last many months, even in a "normal" state I have been in a condition of hyper defensiveness and high fearfulness that would have kept me from picking up the phone. But thank you again.
Apr. 6th, 2013 02:10 am (UTC)
Re: Apols only just seen this
Panic attacks are horrible things
If you're in the middle of one and not used to getting yourself out of them, it can be helpful to speak to someone and have them talk you gradually out of it

Chemically-induced panics (such as at the start of taking SSRIs) are a real nuisance. Benzos are useful as a short-term or emergency measure but if you've been taking them regularly then you're doing the right thing by coming off them gradually. I know you probably already know this - just nodding in agreement.

If you don't feel I'm the right person to call on if you get another bad panic then maybe try having a chat with an NHS Direct person? I have rung them a few times in the years when I was regularly panicking and they got me calmer.

I'm in the middle of a madly busy few days but still intend to have a look through all the materials I have and happy to send anything I think you might find useful.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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