Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維 (webcowgirl) wrote,
Web Cowgirl 衛 思 維

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Revenge of jet lag or ... have I actually adjusted? And reverie on missing my heart's ease

Dammit, it's 7 AM and I'm up, and I absolutely know I should not be right now as I've only had about 7 hours of sleep and I still need to get levelled out after Saturday night. Curiously, per my US sleeping pattern, I should be dozing happily right now as it's going to bed time for state-siders. (Fear the backlash at 2 PM today). I probably just have a lot on my mind as I'm decamping to points north today and need to get all my stuff packed, take a shower, etc. before I go - and I need to have all of this done in time to have a meaningful trip to the London zoo today (can I say in a non-geeky way how excited I am about going to the zoo?) with wechsler and valkyriekaren. Then tonight I'm going to make tacos for the three of us plus one .... which will be very homey, just like if I actually lived here. Yay! Aren't I a silly person that cooking for people makes me feel so happy?

Oh yeah, and I miss shadowdaddy right now. He's having lots of fun in my absence, as am I, but for some reason reading about it makes me wish he were here telling me about the things in his life he's excited about instead of having LJ mediate it. Thank God it's not like the times I missed him when I was in Amsterdam (13 years ago?) or Japan (four years ago) - both of which have stuck in my mind as points of abyssmal sadness in my life. I remember so sharply standing in Kenryokuen Garden in Kanazawa with the water from the June rains rolling down my forehead only to mix with my tears and continue down my cheeks, feeling a pit of loneliness and longing so deep I wondered how I could possibly have been such an idiot as to think I could go somewhere without my heart's delight and possibly have a good time. It's probably a very romantic image but I wanted at the time to just dissove into the mud and be magically fast forwarded to the day when he was going to meet me in Tokyo, and I spent the next four days (and two cities) just sleepwalking through until the magic day arrived. I'm glad I've got enough of of a social support network here that it's not a problem for me anymore, but I still seriously doubt I could manage travelling without him to other countries. For some reason, I found an experience unshared to be a fairly hollow one, and when I think of the person I want to be sitting there in wide eyed wonder with me, somehow it's shadowdaddy that comes to mind, holding my hand and just as excited about the incredible surprises the world has to bring as I am.
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